Silver Lining

To no surprise at all, months have passed me by yet again. This time, I am not upset at myself for my lack of writing. I needed space from this. The last time I wrote an entry was in January of this year.

My, oh my, how different of a person I have become in such little time. I have been plagued with the pain of death. On the ninth day of March, we lost the oldest person in our family. Jay’s great Grandmother of 91 years of life took her last breath at midnight while Frank Sinatra sang ”My Way.” How oddly fitting. Losing someone you love is never easy but we all were thankful that she lived such a long life and passed quickly without pain.

Nine days later, on the 18th day of March, I lost my sister. Unexpectedly. Accidentally. How unfair it feels to have lost such a young life. I don’t have all the answers and probably never will. There isn’t enough paper in the world for me to explain how much my sister means to me. She is all the cliche words people use to describe their favorite person. My best friend. My better half. My hero. My girl.

Three days later, on the 21st of March, I turned 24. My day of birth. It was the very first birthday I ever spent without my sister. I spent the day thinking of how I could turn back time, watching corny 80’s movies and weeping in between. I felt so… un-me. I was just trying to survive the hardest days of my life. I turned hundreds of questions in my head. Doubted so many things. Cried until I was so dehydrated that my head throbbed. I wanted two things, to go back in time and fix all of my mistakes and to go forward in time so this pain would be less than it was.

Then, exactly one month after my sister passed, I sat in front of my psychologist.  I had never done that before. I had never sat in front of a professional and talked about my past. Sitting there I felt two things: 1) I am betraying my sister by getting help. 2) I am so proud of myself for having enough courage to do this now.  That might sound a bit confusing without a bit of history but remember when I said I have lived a very private life? Well, I am here to change that, one entry at a time. In losing my sister, I have found the silver lining: I need to tell my story. I won’t stay quiet and be shy anymore. I want to live a full life full of wonderful memories and a grand life that I have created for myself.  It will take time to get to be where I want to be but that’s okay.

In finding my voice and telling my story, I will be documenting the process. For me and for you. My hope is that in helping myself, I can also help another person, too. I can’t save anyone. I can’t fix the world. But, I will try my hardest to inspire someone to be better in some way.

Thoughtfully, Nina

 

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Terribly Awful

Time has slipped yet again from my grasp and I’m just completely shocked that an entire year has passed.. again.

2018 was a year of long work days and short nights. It wasn’t bad though and I’m grateful for that. I read many books, saw many movies, ate many dinners with many lovely people and I grew as a person. Our days in the tiny studio have ended and I’m quite sad about that. Our little family shared some sweet memories there. But, with growth comes change. So forward we must go.

2019 has brought a lot of “new” to my husband and I. We’ve moved state and I’ve begun a new job in an industry I’ve never worked before. It’s all quite fun and interesting to say the least.

Enough about me. We’re seven days into this year already! I sure hope you make and work on some personal goals. No matter how small or difficult the goal, always try your hardest to accomplish what you set for yourself. Even reach beyond that. Work hard every day and you’ll be proud to see the growth. Take care of you and your mind and health. I find that writing reminders in as many places I can helps me to stay on track. Do what works for you and be proud of what you are.

I’m terribly awful at prioritizing my blog but, I’ll keep trying to remember to write more often.
May this year bring us growth, wealth, health and joy. (And self discipline)

Thoughtfully, Nina

Happy New Year to you!

Let’s Try This Again

At the start of the year, before I got a full time job, I had all the intentions on writing as frequently as every day. Now that we are getting closer to the end of the month, I’ve realized maybe I shouldn’t have set such a high expectation for myself. Well, not a high expectation, but rather choosing a writing schedule that better fits my week’s routine. Instead of daily entries, I think I’ll aim to fit time in on weekends or any day that I have the extra time, for blog entries.

Well, work has been just fine. I spend each day with a baby and afternoons with a five year old. Both kids are well behaved and easy to deal with(that’s always a plus). The parents are very kind too.

I wake up at 6:00 in the morning and do my morning routine. Jay makes us coffee and then he heads off to the gym and then to work. I leave the house at 8:07 and arrive to their house at 8:22. I walk in and from there, the time flies seemingly by all the way to 6:30 in the evening when I arrive home for dinner and conversation with my husband. By 10:30, we are both in bed and ready for sleep.

Yesterday, we woke up to nearly four inches of snow. It hardly ever snows here, but when it does, it usually causes havoc on the town. In fact, the town was put under a curfew from 5 p.m last night until 10:00 this morning. That was pretty odd to experience.

This morning, the roads were still very icy and causing people to struggle when driving. I didn’t have to work today but Jay went in for a few hours in the after noon. I’ll be back at work tomorrow morning and then the weekend will be here, again. For now, I will enjoy this time in quiet and sipping on some warm coffee!

Thanks for stopping by!

Thoughtfully, Nina

And remember: Drive safely, always!

January 8, 2018

I have today and tomorrow before I begin my new job. I plan to enjoy these days in the comfort of my home and in the company of some soft music, a book, and warm coffee.

Jay left for work early, as usual. It’s raining this morning which makes it harder to get out of bed. Although it takes me a while, I finally get up and slowly get through my morning duties. I drink my coffee with a splash of almond milk and listen to “Iron & Wine”.

I’m very excited to have a full-time job again. It’s been almost a year since I’ve worked more than just a few days a week. I’m sure this enthusiasm won’t last very long so I’ll take each day as it comes while trying to maintain a positive outlook.

After reading a few chapters of my book, I had toast and lentils for lunch. It hasn’t stopped raining, yet. I don’t mind; I enjoy the calm feeling that accompanies the rain.

Jay arrived home at 5:30 this evening and we had dinner while talking. After a while, we laid in bed and snuggled while watching a show. I sure do enjoy quiet and simple days like today.

Thoughtfully, Nina

And remember: It’s never too late to begin again.

January 7, 2018

There has to be no better way of starting the morning than with the smell of coffee filling the air. Jay likes to get his day started extra early on the weekends so he can take full advantage of his time away from work. I don’t mind because it helps me be productive, too.

We sipped our coffee as we talked the next two hours away. We dressed for the day, and off we went.

It’s been a while since we went out this early on a weekend just for fun. There was no traffic which made it even funner to go walking in stores. Neither of us are shopaholics. In fact, I enjoy walking around stores just to people watch. After a few stores, we are back at home and in our jammies. We listened to calm music as we rearranged and cleaned our home up.

I have wrote about this before, but we live in a small studio apartment. It’s only 278 square feet. The first couple of months of living here, I didn’t like it very much because we don’t have a porch and hardly any room to store unused items. Not necessarily unused but rather just a couple of boxes of memorable items from our childhoods or things we love but simply have no spot for it in the house. Now that we have lived here for six months, it has grown on me. I could even say I really like living here. It’s actually a perfect alternative to living in a tiny house. The easy clean up, affordable rent and utilities, and quiet neighborhood are just a few qualities that we benefit from living “small”. Of course there are things that aren’t necessarily perfect, like having to transform the sofa to a bed and back again every morning but it has become a part of my morning routine so I simply don’t mind it anymore. And then there’s my 6’4 250 pound giant husband that has to bend at the knees to wash his hair in the shower (the water doesn’t go past his chest otherwise). Luckily, he’s a humble guy and doesn’t complain about it ever. I’m sure if I brought it up he’d say something like “Oh, I don’t mind”. We should really just buy a shower-head extender. For the most part, we make do with what we have and are grateful to have a place to call home. We might live simply but we are quite happy.

Well, any way.

I’ve got some great news. Remember that interview I went to yesterday? Well, I got the position and I start on Wednesday. I couldn’t be happier about working a full-time job again. Now that we’ll have a bit more income, we could go camping and hiking more often. I’d really like that.

The first week of the year has come to an end. It’s been a productive week full of new opportunities and I’m very excited that it began in such a great way.

Thanks for stopping by!

Thoughtfully, Nina

And remember: Be humble. Keep working toward your goals but don’t forget where you came from.

January 6, 2018

I woke up nearly every hour last night in fear of sleeping past my alarm. I knew my interview wasn’t until 10:00 but I wanted to be up before the sun so I had enough time to gather my thoughts and questions before going.

I woke up at 8:00 and Jay was already on his second cup of coffee. He handed me my mug as soon as I opened my eyes. I sat up and drank my energy while I talked Jay’s ear off about my dramatic insecurities. He gets a bit frustrated with me because I’m a “nervous Nancy” at times and when I feel anxious about something, I tend to ramble. Even for something as simple as an interview for a nanny position.

A couple of hours later, I was fine again. I feel like the interview went well. The couple has one more lady to interview so it will be another day or two until I know whether or not I got the position. I just hope it all works out.

Jay didn’t work today so once I arrived home, we left right away and grabbed lunch. We walked around a few stores and then I helped my momma in law put her Christmas decorations away. It is so satisfying putting away boxes full of decorations and seeing the shell of your home that remains.

We’ve had quite a busy day. After dinner, a show, and lots of conversation, we transformed our living room into a bedroom. We lay in bed and snuggled until Jay fell asleep. It’s nearly midnight and I’m quite sleepy now.

Thanks for stopping by!

Thoughtfully, Nina

And remember: Don’t be a nervous Nancy like me. Be better.

January 5, 2018

We rose with the sun this Friday morning.

Jay went off to work and I began my day. After all of the usual morning duties, I went for a walk. It’s rather cold here today so I made sure to bundle up quite a bit.

Once I arrived back home, I enjoyed a light breakfast and read a few articles.

Jay arrived home earlier than usual so we grabbed some dinner and ran a few errands before settling back in at home.

I typically would have preferred to upload this entry tomorrow but I know I’ll be quite busy. I’ve got an interview in the morning for a nanny position and I’m really hoping it all works out well.

I don’t want to stay awake much longer so this rather short entry will have to do for today.

Thoughtfully, Nina

And remember: Take care of yourself first so you can better care for others.